ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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