i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize