It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
