You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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