i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
