She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
