Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
