sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Found the puke drawer
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
