the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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