she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
