i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
