i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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