So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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