i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
