Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
