____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
