I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
