I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
