Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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