It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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