they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
