this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
