can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Randomize
