I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
