why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
