fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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