Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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