I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do vagina's smell?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
