She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
