Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
