It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
