1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
