I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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