as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
