So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
