Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
