Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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