I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We don't watch enough power rangers
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
