This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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