I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize