i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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