I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
