only if we run a train.
done.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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