I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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