Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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