So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
