people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
