if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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