dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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