You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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