I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
