ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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