i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
