I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
