So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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