he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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