Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
