He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
