24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
