Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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