I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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