The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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